Darkness imprisoning me

"A cynical bastard"...yea,that was it!That was the most recent accolade I received.more than that,Mandu said I define the phrase.In fact,the way it was said was,"...so-n-so is almost as cynical as Avichal".needless to say,it has got me thinking.Sometimes I think about the things that get me thinking,which means there are a lot of such things.I do think a lot,which is the probably the first sign of a defeatist attitude.
There is no doubt that I'm a pessimist,a perennially depressed soul who is more often than not in the wallowing-in-self-pity mode.but then,there's no cure to it,cos I enjoy sadness.I kno thts sad,but its enjoyable all the same.anyhow,the reason for my latest bout of depression was somewhat more valid than the usual ones.We're fuckin outcasts in our batch,for fuck's sake!that would have been reason enuf to think of devising new ways of comitting suicide for a true doomsayer,or genocide maybe.but then,somehow i know better,thoh i dont know how.
So i show them the finger,but I'm depressed nonetheless,cos I ask myself why??whats the reason for all the bitterness surrounding me?I conclude they're all assholes,which is another reason to be in blue funk.I'm surrounded by assholes!!what did I do to deserve this fate?
Anyway,like I said before,I love it anyway.I've been listening to haunting music,reading fuckin weird literature,and enjoying it like never before....
I've always maintained depression brings out the best in artists.Roger Waters probably authenticises that philosophy like none else.but then,there are others too.Kafka in literature,Edvard Munch in Art.Munch,in fact,became a more cheerful person towards the latter part of his life,but thereby lost the magic in his art.Floyd's lyrics,in the post-Waters era,became more positive in their message,no more gloomy preoccupations with themes of war and madness,a more cheerful outlook with songs like "learning to fly" and "coming back to life".
but it was hardly the Floyd sound ever again.and Kafka,shiiit maaaan!just read "The Metamorphosis" and am still reeling from the blow.
and finally,to end this depressing post,lines from my favorite suicidal lyrics:
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut

Of Jacobians,Fourier space routes and Kaczmarz algorithms

I do manage to sound like a geek,don't I?But trust me,I'm as alien to all this stuff as any normal being.So I was obviously overawed and intimidated when I saw these things included in my course,which had an equally strange name....Computerized Tomography.Fortunately,I came back to my senses in time and dropped it for a course in Philosophical problems.This one isn't easy by any stretch of imagination,but I'd always prefer a tough humanities course over a tough technical one.Now just don't ask what I'm doing in a technical institute...

The cleanest city in the country

Thats what the grapevine(read my bro) told me about Surat.I was pretty eager to see that for myself,and thats partly the reason why I endured that painful train journey described below.Already I was conjuring images in my mind of an Indian city like Singapore.Pretty obviously though,I was disappointed cos I realised later that it takes more than being a clean city to come even remotely close to S'pore.
Surat is a very clean city for sure.But it might not immediately strike you as being one,cos its also an old city.There aren't too many fancy malls and glittering lights.Most of the city consists of old and not-particularly-attractive buildings.However,as you'll notice later,trash mountains,blocked sewer lines and stray animals are conspicuous by their absence.The best thing that I found about the place is the 4 parallel and almost alike bridges over Tapti.Standing over one of these at around 11 in the night,I enjoyed the most pleasant breeze,and still can't believe that it is a regular feature,as my bro told me.The breeze was unusually strong to flow everyday,but he assured me it did.
The place does have its share of multiplex theatres and Pizza parlors too,and I made full and shameless use of those(I love my bro).However,I still got to explore a lot less of the city than I would have liked too,cos my bro works and lives in Hazira,an industrial hub around 25 kms from Surat.When I say industrial hub,I really mean one.The place has industrial setups of Reliance,Essar steels(where my bro works),NTPC, L & T and Kribhco.It is an awe-inspiring sight for a first-time visitor.And the fact that the place still manages to be exceptionally green and is flanked by backwaters on one side definitely helps in increasing its beauty.I reached there at around 7 in the morning and the weather was overcast with a pleasant breeze all over the place.Pretty breathtaking stuff.
I've always liked company townships,and Essar steels was no exception.Personally,I feel its a great place to live in.Add to that the fact that my bro avails the best of facilities:air-conditioned room,T.V.,a fridge that he had stacked full of chocolates,cakes,chips and colas(I love my bro) and a DVD player.Not to mention the movie and Pizza in the evening.After just a day there,it got so that I never wanted to leave the place,definitely not for a sleepy eastern UP town like Allahabad.It was like living my dream.After breakfast I'd accompany my bro to his office,spend an hour or two there-the first day he took me for a conducted tour of the entire steel plant,another awe-inspiring experience-then come back to the room and spend the rest of the afternoon lying on the bed savoring the goodies at my disposal while listening to Pink Floyd.I doubt there are more gratifying experiences in life,other than of course....ahem!
However,the stay was painfully short,cos we had to be back in time for my mom's birthday.and the fact that another 24 hour train journey stared me in the face didn't help matters much.Thankfully,though,this time I had the company of my bro and The Dilbert Principle,quite simply the single most humorous piece of work I've ever come across.Scott Adams is da man!and of course,so is my bro...